Burlington Hoax Factory

I have a chronic shopping problem.

This is something I’m pretty open about, and also something I’ve come to accept. While I’m honest about the self-induced monetary departure from my wallet, another Ohio woman is not quite so honest about her apparently fallacious monetary gain.

While flipping through The Athens Messenger today, I ran across a little blurb that tickled my funny bone. This is a blunder in so many ways, but I’ll let you read and figure that out for yourself:

“A woman being driven around in a rented limousine pulled up at a coat store and announced she’d won the lottery and would pay for everyone’s purchases, police said, but she ended up causing a riot when customers realized it was a hoax. Angry customers threw merchandise around and looted, leaving the store looking as though a hurricane had passed through it, police said. Linda Brown was arrested Tuesday after an hours-long shopping spree that began when she hired a stretch Hummer limousine to drop her off at a Burlington Coat Factory store, police Sgt. Lt. Michael Deakins said.”

That excerpt was taken from the Thursday, October 15, 2009 issue of The Athens Messenger. The incident occurred uncomfortably close to our little Athens – in nearby Columbus, actually.

The actual store of madness in Columbus. Image from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1220622/Woman-causes-riot-Burlington-Coat-Factory-lying-shed-won-lottery-wanted-spend-clothes-there.html

My initial reaction was yet another “WHAT THE *&$%??????” moment (as previously seen on my post about the hot sauce vagina). However, I decided to take a step back on this one and realized that this news bit is probably one of the funniest things I have ever heard about. I’m more amused than astounded.

I can’t wait until Michael K gets his hands on this.

Let’s chit chat about this for a minute. Really? A rented stretch Hummer limousine? But more importantly, Burlington Coat Factory? Again, really?

Alright, alright, I’ll cut her a little slack (but not really), because some other news sources are saying that her mental stability is being questioned by police and investigators. I guess that could maybe justify her outlandish choice of details in executing this plan.

Linda Brown, seen here being taken into custody by police. Image from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1220622/Woman-causes-riot-Burlington-Coat-Factory-lying-shed-won-lottery-wanted-spend-clothes-there.html

But I suppose I’m more concerned about the reaction of other customers in the store. What were they thinking in believing her? That is just another example of a total mess-up in this entire situation. If they really believed that she won $1.5 million like she said she did, why would they think she’d show up at a Burlington Coat Factory (of all places), offering to pay for everyone’s purchases nonetheless? Oh, but only purchases up to $500. That legitimizes it.

On top of that, once customers heard that she’d won the lottery and was willing to share the wealth, they started calling all their friends and family to come into the store and take advantage. News sources say that there were about 500 customers ready to purchase their goodies in the store and an additional 1,000 people waiting outside, trying to get in, only to be stopped by the circa 24 police officers that workers at the Burlington Coat Factory had to call in for backup.

Some of the customers in the store at the time of the hoax. Image from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1220622/Woman-causes-riot-Burlington-Coat-Factory-lying-shed-won-lottery-wanted-spend-clothes-there.html

But when customers became aware of the farce, rather than just laughing it off or rolling their eyes and going on about their business, they went rampant. The store was trashed and apparently, many of them left, desired items in hand, without paying. Since when did the Burlington Coat Factory become a free-for-all? Just because some bizarre lady comes in and riles everyone up doesn’t automatically mean that every item in the store becomes instantaneously free.

It seems like everyone involved in this stunt, not just Ms. Brown, has got a case of the crazies. I realize this must have been a mess for the store and its employees, but this story’s just too hilarious not to love.

Until next time, cheers!